hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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