If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
