he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
