I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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