real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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