im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
