Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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