OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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