he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
