...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
