your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
