Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
