My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
