how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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