This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
