I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
