sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
