I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
