I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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