she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
