You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
