how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He did a backflip because drugs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
