It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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