You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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