Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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