I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
