You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
