just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
