I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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