hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
