you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
