just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize