hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
