when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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