I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
