i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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