i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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