Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
