Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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