My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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