i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
