im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
