Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
