I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i think my cat just said my name.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
