I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
