she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
