I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
