Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
