I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
