guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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