Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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