As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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