pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
