so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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