she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
