your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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