1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
