the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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