Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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