It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
