Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
