We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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