areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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