So drunk its hurt
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize