She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
