Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
