Got a toothbrush?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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