I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
