she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
