we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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