just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
