I look better un-naked...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize