making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
