Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
