Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
