that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
