So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
