Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
