on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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