I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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