Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
