I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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